#now I'm sleepy and stressed

[icewindandboringhorror]

... why he sit like this

[halinski]

rant in tags about perscription medication and withdrawals

continued here bc i reached tag limit and i'm still??

it's kinda scary tbh

like i was scared for years now of what would happen off my meds and

when i tried tapering off my antidepressants oof i was breaking down every day and now i /know/ i'm dependant on them and idk if that's better or worse

and with the antipsychotics it's like i thought they were helping my depression too bc when tapering off i was also so panicked and depressed (tho my situation is kinda stressful rn)

but idk i've been trying meds on and off for half my life now and most of the time i'm like 🤷

but the truth is

it's fucking scary how it messes with your body

it's fucking scary when you're dependant on a pill

OR ALSO

when pills fuck your body up to the point you can only eat one thing

bc that's the reason i'm going off the antipsychotics and guess what, i'm able to eat more again now

idk if it's just in combination with the hormon pill tbh i'm just going off both now and we'll see how my iron levels and migrains deal lmao

i feel like i can't think straight anymore

gonna have to get new docs anyway so we'll see what they say if(/when) i go anemic again or if going off the antipsychotics will actually fix the issue??

if so, then it'll be like how did this sneak up on me, i've been taking them for 2.5 years like

??

and now i've lost 20lbs despite trying everything to maintain or gain some the past year and a half and i'm at my lowest weight since i was like a preteen lol

and that's all bc of a med that didn't feel like it had an acute effect

or maybe i'm so removed from my body i didn't notice until i got the acute gastritis ??

i mean i can't even be sure its the meds or not until i'm off

and tapering the rest off is gonna be so fun fuck

i dont wanna

i wanna be able to eat more than bread i guess but at this point the thought just scares me and like i associate it with pain and nausea

which as long as i can manage it is fine

but i've only tapered off half, i still have to taper off the other half of the dosage 😭

and with the hormon pill gone again the worst menstrual pain will be back and idk how to manage that, i guess hopefully with the meds gone i won't go anemic again but who knows at this point??

also praying my migraines don't come back but uh... i am pessimistic. i don't have much hope

anyway

moral of the story.....

ALWAYS MAKE SURE TO TAPER OFF YOUR MEDS KIDS BC EVEN JUST TAPERING IS SCARY AND GOING COLD CHICKEN IS PROBABLY HELL

doctors can be annoying (and make things harder, like in my case bc i literally asked if it could be my current meds MONTHS ago, and everyone was like noooooo but guess who was RIGHT) sometimes BUUUUT you should listen to them avout certain things

like

tapering off meds

[jils-things]

whoahghmm..... home and im so tuckered out

[vulpinesaint]

local literature major horrified to find out that he has to read for homework

[esteemedcrackpot]

Play Report: Ocean Tides

I've played two sessions of this delightful firebrands hack now and I'm absolutely obsessed, I think every game should have a truth or dare minigame. And the whole vibe is just *chef's kiss*. Since I can't stop thinking about our blorbos, I have decided to write up a play report.

Setup:

The sea is deep, ancient, and unpredictable. The climate is tropical. Humans live on an archipelago with only a few large "mainland" islands, but countless small ones spread in between. Magic is mostly limited to that which allows mermaids and humans to pass between land and sea, but some dabble in stronger, more dangerous forces. And who knows what power may be found in the depths?

Pirates are lawless brigands who seek notoriety and fortune. The pirate code is: them that find the treasure, get the treasure; don't wake a sailor sleeping on land; and, perhaps most importantly, the rules are more of guidelines.

Naval Officers serve the Empire Republic of Many Isles, and fly flags in shades of red (it has more positive associations after all). Deeply religious. Their own code demands that the first cut go to the shore, the second to the ship, and the third to the Sea Mistress.

Merfolk are nudibranch people, with bright colors and varied forms. Most villages are in shallow waters such as atolls. When merfolk walk on land, they are usually obvious, sporting legs but retaining their colors and some of their form in fins, tentacles, or even a reduced tail.

Our cast:

B'har (it/its) a mercurial and ethereal mermaid with very pale orange and white striped markings, tentacles on its face, frills around its neck, and a long tail with many scars. New to humans and rather fascinated by them.

John Finch (he/him) the pirate. Legally distinct from Jack Sparrow, probably, maybe. Captain of the Silver Oyster, he always expects his reputation will have preceded him (it usually hasn't).

Captain Monk Ghanan Sreal (they/them) the "humble" and naive naval officer. Captains a great ship cathedral. Received orders to find a religious relic (the spear of the mother) but has abandoned the mission. Instead seeks the teeth of the abyss-walker, the devilish figure of their religion supposedly vanquished many years ago.

Session one under the cut!

As suggested, we started with Monologues. They definitely helped us find our starting point, but I have chosen to integrate the relevant info with character bios or other story beats as needed. In play, we each chose one mini game, and slowly built up some promising plot threads.

The Great Hunt:

Captain Monk Sreal heard rumors of a huge beast that damaged Sunspot Atoll, a mermaid village. They met B'har and learned of the creature's path, then tracked it into the deep, craggy canyons offshore. After a bit of cat and mouse, there was a fierce battle. Both Ghanan and the beast survived, but the scale of the beast and costs of hunting it were greater than Ghanan expected. In the following weeks, they increased frequency of deep sea excursions with the aid of a volatile potion that allows humans to stand the pressure. The mounting toll on their health is of little concern to Ghanan on their quest for the abyss-walker's teeth. Or the abyss-walker itself, as it now seems.

Truth or Dare:

Some time post-hunt, our three characters meet on a beach. They share some drinks around a fire and eventually begin the human game, truth or dare. Memories are a bit...hazy of this night. Surely there were some minor truths divulged? Perhaps some harmless dares? B'har thinks it showed off its tail scars at some point, but mostly remembers the end of the night. John wasted a dare on getting B'har to skinny dip; no matter, shedding the magic legs and plunging into the sea was a relief, and The Officer soon joined. The Officer, with their moon-touched skin webbed nearly all over with dark, intricate tattoos of great sea beasts. The Officer, floating comfortably in the water even without fins. Quickly, B'har turned and challenged John Finch-taste the lips of the one here you most desire, be they willing. John disrobed and plunged into the water himself, splashing over to the pair. And kissed B'har! Fascinating.

A Dance:

After a little time, Sunspot Atoll finished clean up efforts and held a party to celebrate. B'har invited both John and Ghanan. All attended dressed their best. Well, "dressed" in the case of B'har, merfolk aren't wild about clothing as such, but various pieces of jewelry adorned its body, including many shell chains and fine coral beads, and even one pendant clearly fashioned from an old human artifact. Ghanan wore an elaborate outfit covered in bells. John Finch was less fancy, but sported an excellent hat. He soon wandered off to the drinks and largely spent the night telling strangers his tales of adventure. Meanwhile, B'har and Ghanan danced together in the midst of a whirl of colorful merfolk. B'har gently corrected for Ghanan's missteps in the unfamiliar dances and (mostly) prevented excessive bell jingling at odd moments. The two flirted throughout, but stopped short of making any overt moves. At some point in the night, Ghanan gifted B'har with a bracelet.

That's where we called session one for time. And it's where I'm going to call this post for now! Stay tuned if you want to hear about our second session, hopefully coming soon to a reblog near you.

[spiderwarden]

I came, I tried to do a big reply, couldn't. now I sleep.

[karofsky]

earlyish sleep and setting an alarm... I will be a functioning human this week but today definitely was a Getting Other Things Done day and not an Art Day

[hatake]

.

[that-foul-legacy-lover]

HFKSHIDJDJ I really, really enjoy reading your ramblings in the tags after I finish reading your writings :∆

hehe thank you it's where i put all the unorganized thoughts that i couldn't fit into the writing/brainrot itself :D i am glad you find them enjoyable :)

[areyoudoingthis]

i hate the "what would actually be better for me right now going out or staying home and resting" self care dichotomy because i never fucking know what the right answer is

[pinkanonhopes]

why is it so hard to do things

[just-slightly-chaotic]

<3

[autistic-shaiapouf]

Facing a very rough patch called "I didn't get out of cosplay when I came home and now I'm still all dressed up and falling asleep"

[zafiro-anyejo]

Where's that gif of Skylar White just screaming "SHUT UP! SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!!!" at her family member because that's... such a mood rn...

[nochepsicodelica]

Perv Toji thoughts in the brain 😔 Fed you guys the fluffy pieces, now i'm thinking of the little weirdo in him.

Suggestive

Perv!Toji who slips his thumb past your lips when you start drooling after falling asleep on him. He wipes the drool that seeped out of the corner of your mouth before gently pushing down on the plush of your bottom lip and easing the digit into your slightly parted lips. His eyes remain lidded as he feels your soft, wet tongue with the pad of his thumb, and when you start to stir, he coos at you, soft murmurs of, "sleepy princess" and "I got you, baby". He's got the most satisfied look on his face when you don't question why his thumb is in your mouth, too tired to even bother.

Perv!Toji who cancels his gym membership and starts working out at home, because you said you wanted to join him in his workouts. He could never say no to something like that. This is just something else you can do together, but it'll have to be an at home thing, because he can't have people ogling you the way he does when he puts you to work. He won't make you do his exact intense routine, but he does push you to the point where you break a sweat. It's a must. He slowly walks around you, observing his favorite parts of your body as you do the warm ups he instructed you to do. Jumping jacks are one of his favorite things to watch you do. He likes watching your boobs and ass bounce, and because it's not just a simple set of ten or fifteen, you end up panting, a sound that sends his blood rushing down, down, down. When you get tired, he does the parts of his routine that he exempts you from. He has you sit on his lap while he does bench presses, he does his pushups, but he wants you wrapped around him as he does them, and so on. Everything is skin to skin because he's not gonna have you just sit there and watch when you have a better purpose.

Perv!Toji who can't hold consistent eye contact with you when you go braless and your nipples are poking through your shirt. He understands, from the many times you've said it out loud, that not all bras are comfortable. The prettiest ones, some of his favorites even, are usually the least comfortable to wear. They're a courtesy to the rest of the world, but when you're walking around at home, you free your chest from those constraints and he has absolutely no complaints about it. "Free those puppies" is a recurring line of his, and when you do get the bra off, your boobs instantly attract his attention, like they're magnets to his eyes. Sometimes his intrusive thoughts win and he'll reach out and grab a handful of tit. He's definitely not shy about it, either. He knows his hands are better than any bra you own. He can hold onto your tits and never get tired, he offers great support for your back when he's behind you, and massages are included <3

Perv!Toji who has the weirdest obsession with your tummy. He's constantly rubbing and pinching the soft flesh as a form of stress relief. The area is never clear of hickeys, there always has to be at least three on that part of you because he can't be gentle when he's kissing that area. I don't know, he's just internally feral about it and sometimes those feral feelings start to trickle out. Loves when you eat a good amount of food and you get a little belly. He's constantly thinking of putting a baby in you, so when your stomach protrudes that way with a food baby, it gives him the illusion of what you would look like in the early stages of carrying his baby.

That's all for now, buh-bye <3

[whateveriwant]

The 141 getting you to stay in bed

It gets a little spicy towards the end so 18+ please

Soap

Waking up to the feeling of a numb arm is extremely unpleasant, but you suppose it comes with the territory when trying to cuddle 200+ pounds of rugged Scotsman

You manage to free your trapped limb and roll to the other side of the bed, but that space behind you remains empty for only about three seconds before Johnny's pressing himself flat to your back 

Now with his arms around your waist, he holds you tight to him, mumbling unintelligibly against the back of your head

He drifts back to sleep quickly enough, his grip on you starting to loosen, only for it to tighten again when he feels you try to wriggle out of his hold

The incoherent grumbles from his throat grow increasingly displeased the more you try to shift away from him, until finally he huffs a grumpy, “Quit it,” into your scalp, hooking his leg over yours 

If you still don't listen, he'll have no choice but to take drastic measures to keep you still. Fed up with your squirming, he simply rolls on top of you, pinning you to the mattress below him

You can try beating on his back, telling him that you can't breathe, but he just shrugs and says, “Use my breath.”

Don't even bother trying to explain how oxygen doesn't work like that, because he doesn't care. “Tough,” he mumbles into the crook of your neck. “‘Cause I'm no' movin’.” And by extension, neither are you

Gaz

Kyle is also a stage 5 clinger, but he's less boa constrictor and more baby koala

So when your alarm goes off at 8am precisely, it's no surprise that the man behind you grumbles in protest

“It's Saturday,” he bemoans. “Why you getting up so bloody early?” When you tell him you like to keep your routine even on the weekends, he just groans and mutters, “Five more minutes.”

You can try to squirm and wrestle out of his hold, but he'll just tighten his arm around your midsection, keeping his front firmly glued to your back

But you need to get up! You have to pee for goodness’ sake! 

“Use the empty bottle on your nightstand,” he mumbles into your hair, peeking an eye open as you crane to look back at him. The look you give him at such a horrid suggestion has him sighing. “Alright, fine,” he relents and releases you. “But be quick. Bed gets cold without you.”

Once you've answered the call of nature, don't be surprised to find Kyle waiting for you directly outside the bathroom. He's wrapped up in your comforter like an oversized burrito, only his face and feet visible as they peek out from under the plush cover

With a sleepy pout, he holds his hand out for you, tugging you back to bed with him. Oh, he’ll make sure you get those five more minutes alright. Even if he has to drag you kicking and screaming

Ghost

First of all, don't even kid yourself into thinking you'll stand a chance of waking up before him or sneaking out of bed without him knowing. This man is the epitome of a light sleeper, whenever he does sleep, that is

So when you do finally wake up, it comes as no surprise to see Simon already up too. But just because you're both awake now doesn't mean you have to immediately be productive; quite the opposite, in fact

With how busy and stressed he is all the time, Simon loves nothing more than to just lie in bed with you and do nothing for hours

If you try to get up, he's stopping you with a gentle hand on your wrist, his voice quiet but firm as he commands, “Stay.”

You'll lay back down for a bit to appease him, but it won't be long before you feel guilty since you have so many things you should be doing instead

But actually, no, you don't have  anything to worry about. He's already taken care of everything before you woke up, he humbly informs you

The cat's been fed, the bin’s been taken out to the curb, he's even gotten your breakfast typed up on his phone – just give him the word and he'll place the order

So now when he opens his arms for you, having you bury your face in his chest, you've got nothing to worry about except savoring this moment with him 

Price

John is also a very light sleeper, so it only takes .02 seconds of you trying to stand from the bed for his bear-like snores to cease and his eyes to flit wide open

He'll grab you by the shirt hem, mumbling, “Where’re y’ goin’?” But it doesn't really matter what your answer is because his response is always the same: “No y’r not.” And pulls you back down. “Y’r stayin’ right here.”

He'll lie on his stomach, face smushed in the pillow, a big, warm hand tucked under your shirt resting against your belly

With nothing better to do, you scroll through your phone, catching up on your socials, the news, etc., but it's not long before you hear him grumble, “Put that away, will ya? ‘S too early to be meltin’ your brain with that thing.”

Well, what does he expect you to do? Lie there and stare at the ceiling for an hour? “Expect you to be good,” he tells you. “Don't make me get the handcuffs out again.”

Now that you have to laugh at. If he thinks it's too early to be on your phone, it's definitely too early for that

He smirks, opening his eye just a sliver, and the hand on your stomach begins to rub soft circles. “Is that so?” he taunts, his touch sneakily edging downwards. And when he slips beneath the band of your shorts, well…

Let's just say you're not leaving that bed anytime soon